Back to February

Hey Guys,

Today... Well yesterday when I finish  typing and rereading this post three times it'll be past midnight. I should be asleep for work tomorrow, but I can't because I feel like shit. Not an illness Shit,  but a mental Shit. It started off when I woke up to the She Devil calling me, then I went back to sleep. I just felt like I couldn't do anything even if I wanted/needed too. I was only able to do was watch YouTube, wash my hair and finish my Financial Aid. But all day I just felt bad for exsisting. Like I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to bother anyone,  I just wanted to stay in my room.

But then I'll get to this feeling mood and I'll put myself down. Like I know I'm a good person, or at least I try my best. I do what my "friends" need me to do to help, even when I'm annoyed with them or feel like I've done more than I should have. It just seem like I don't have people in my life or allow people to help me out like I help them out because I feel like I shouldn't ask. Even when they are my friends. My family.

But what puts the cherry on top of this Shit day. Was I shared this photo that was completely my current mood. And it started some shit. Like I share stuff like this all the time, but why did this picture get so much attention, why did it get people worried and feeling sad about me? It was a just a photo that had a meaning to me, but I didn't think people would care,  because I share stuff like this all the time. I don't remember the post but it was about not feeling like yourself,  not feeling wanted. It was just one of those days.

So I was twitter and facebook and snapchat and just posting stuff, sharing stuff, the works when a "friend"like subtweeted at me. Thinking I wouldn't notice I knew she was talking about me. When the tweet I put had another to do with her. Like if I want to talk to you I would,  but why do I want you back in my life when I'm already having a shit day. Like in high school I told you some shit and you made me feel even worst about the probably at hand. Like what friend would say the shit you said. I honestly hope you read this because I can't believe we(yes we)  allow you make us feel like shit when we were and are going gheougj depression. YES Depression. And you make it seem like we are making this up. We aren't and you weren't helping.

But anyway that happen and I'm not a child for the way I'm handling myself. I've been handling myself since my brother was born, Shit I've been handling myself when my Grandma passed away and I'm still handling myself. I wasn't really able to be a kid. So if I have a kid moment, so be it. But sometimes I'm just sick of always having to make decisions and always having to be the parents to parents. So imma make mistakes while it's acceptable to make them.

See Ya Later

Emmie <3