September 2015

Hey guys,

Sorry about the title couldnt really think of one. Plus I'm running on like 4 hours of sleep. I've been staying up late and waking up early. But this post is just to get whatever that's been on my mind off my mind.

So 3 of my friends birthday is in a few days and I have this idea to do for all of my friends. But one of these three friends. I havent talked to in a very long time. And it's mostly my fault. I don't text this person enough,  but when I do I'm waiting hours at in for a reply, so it makes me feel like I was bothering this person in the first place, so I gave up. Which yes I know I should have never done that, but I did. But what I can see from snapchat and everything. The person seems fine with me. Which Im so happy for them that they're happy. But now I'm faced with. Should I get this person a birthday gift or not?  I mean I already have 1/2 of it done. Maybe less than 1/2 but I got some stuff done. Now I'm faced with should I text this person. And if I do. How would this person react. I've been going through so much with people and their attitudes. I'm problem not gonna reply again or message them again if I receive crap. Which again I shouldn't do, but I'm just so annoyed with other person today. That I just don't give any fucks.

These person is probably still up. I might text them tomorrow. I honestly need some sleep, before I put myself down anymore. But I'm cold and over thinking shit.

Why is life so confusing?

I just want to be happy and when I am happy it's not gonna last long because life doesn't work like that. Life just wants to give you a treat of it. To let you this could all be yours unless you do A,  B & C,  but once you do. It doesn't last very long or it gets boring.

I'm also stuck between ending it with someone. I cant really say boyfriend because this is one of the confusing, overhelming, over thinking, exciting relationships I've ever had with a person.  I hate that I like it. I hate that I feel this way. I hate that I'm not 100% sure. I hate that I'm guessing wondering. I hate that I know I'm not right. Hate that I'm so far out of line with this. To the point where I just want to break down and cry,  but that shows weakness. Yes I'm back to my old ways. Sue me.

I just want to be wanted. I want to be needed. I just want to know.

See Ya Later

EMMIE <3