"Loose Lips Sink Ships"

Hey Guys,

So it's been awhile and I know I posted I was gonna write about something, but as you can see I forgot. My bad. So I feel like I'm overthinking this... Scratch that I am over thinking this and it sucks to know that I am and not being able to control it. I just want to know everything. I don't want to be guessing... I hate guessing and being out of the know.  I think that I just need to get away. Move somewhere different... Somewhere that I can feel like myself and not feel like everything I do is wrong, And I only had two places that I felt great about myself, which was School, but that fell through big time this semester and Work, which I don't feel as comfortable like I used too. So I feel like I'm always out of my comfort zone, which has now turned into my bedroom and even here I feel like I still mess up.

Don't get my wrong, I love my friends, love my family, but it feels like I don't need to be here. Not saying i'm gonna kill myself just saying that I need to disappear, go somewhere new, do my own thing. But I don't where to start... Don't know where to go. I mean I wanna go to a lot of places, but I don't think I'll be able to drop everything and just go. I honestly really just need to drop everything and go. Like everything seems to be going fine, everything is supposed to be happy and cheerful and joyous, but I can't be because I feel like something is gonna happen. Something bad is going to come my way and that's just how life has been for me. I pretend, which I so damn good at, everything is okay, that I'm  okay, that I'm this big bad person, but I just want someone to honestly fucking hug me and tell me "You're doing great, beautiful. I'm so proud of you and I respect whatever decision you've made so far. I'm here if you ever wanna talk, shit I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on. I love you and I'm always here."

Like how hard is it for someone to be like that to me? I honestly think I do have the wrong friends sometimes, but then again I don't fully on up to them, because expect them to leave. To get sick of me. So imma leave before I can get too attached, before I dig myself deeper into this hole that I'm already in.

I just want to live in the moment, go somewhere new and try not to be so attached to my music for comfort.

See Ya Later
Emmie <3