Hey Guys,
Here’s another post because I’m bored and I’m not ready to go to bed and wake up for work and deal with people, so here’s another post.
So for the past, I don’t know, Five days I’ve been having bad dreams and the dream I had last night was just bad. It was me, my “boyfriend”, my brother, my 3 year old cousin, my two best friends and my two workers sitting on my porch. Keep in mind I live in Detroit and it was also day light. But we were talking about what we should do for tonight. My brother and my cousin were playing cars, when this car was going down the street the wrong way (My street is a one way only street) and there were four African American guys in the car and the one that was sitting behind the driver, had a big gun out the window. My first thought was to grab my cousin, but my “Boyfriend” grabbed me and then the other two guys grabbed the other two girls and my brother took cover. The guy started pushing the trigger, but nothing was coming out it was just making the noise, so I looked over and it looked like stuff was coming out and it was hitting the walls and the window, but wasn’t breaking anything, so I was gonna grab my cousin, but my “Boyfriend” said he was going too and told me to stay here and be safe. As he started to grab my cousin, real bullets came out and they hit my cousin, my boyfriend and my brother, before they drove away.
My dreams have been like this for days and I don’t understand why. I don’t eat late, I go to bad at a time where I can get at least 6 hours of sleep. I just don’t understand why I’m having dreams like this. I actually don’t even want to go to sleep because I might have another bad dream and I honestly don’t think I can handle it. Yes, I’m 19 years old and I’m talking about having nightmares to the point where I don’t want to go to bed, but if you could see what I saw, if you think about it… What kind of person can come up with seeing some of the best things in your life, die right in front of you more than one time, it’s pretty scary and sad.
So my “Boyfriend” situation, I don’t know if we are together, if we are just having fun and trying to get to know each other, which I’m 100% okay with, what I’m not okay with is what we’ve been doing. I mean I like it, but I’m worth more and I’m better than this. We put each other on a grounding you can say for a month, and when we cooked, we kinda broke it, so we added an extra week. I’m starting to think it’s just that and it will be nothing more, but then he says that he thinks it’s true love and stuff like that, which I know it’s bull… well I do and I don’t because I don’t trust people period. I mean he met my Nana and my cousin, which they both hit it off, they really liked him, but I don’t know. I like him, he’s one of the first guys that wanted to get to know me and my family and cares about my school work and my job and how i’m feeling. Maybe I’m overreacting. I can’t help, but to think that nobody really wants to be with a person like me because of my mother drilling that into my head. I guess only time will let me know. Wish me luck.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
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