Hey guys,
So last Friday, I agreed to hangout with a few "Friends", to get food and hangout, you know the works.. But I wasn't feeling good when I first woke up and also my cell was being blown up in the morning, so I'm already tired and annoyed. Just text me ppl. I hate phone calls so early in the morning. But anyways. I got dressed for the second time because it was on then it was off and then it was on again. Keep in mind it's hot inside my house and it's hot outside my house, so i wasn't a happy camper from the start... So when we finally leave, we get the ppl and we go to get something to eat first... Which is a place I told him I didn't like, but we went there anyways. Like WTF dude... So all I had was a plate full of fries and some nasty as cheese sticks and some broccoli and chicken. I was even more annoyed at these point. Like to the point where I wanted to go home too. But what pissed me off the most was; The week before I used more than 1/2 of my check to fix his car. I was happy to do it, happy to help out... shoot I even offered because him having a car, he doesn't have to worry about his family having to call an ambulance if they got sick at night or having to call a cab to go to a doctor's appointment. I guess I'm just sick of paying for someone... when they can talk behind someone's back... I just I'm sick of not feeling good enough... Sick of always to make sure theirs gas in the car, even tho it isn't my car and we don't see each other or talk like we used too. But seeing that you are able to pay for yourself for the little things pissed me off because I saw you had money... Don't know how much, but you had money... Was it enough to get the last 3 parts for your car? Was it enough to put 1/2 in and i'll do the other 1/2. Who knows, only you. I'm not mad about the money, I'm mad that you had to hide and lie and talk behind my back... I'm mad that you call me a secret keeper, but I tell you EVERYTHING!
Back to the story... So we drop off two of our friends and now we're driving around, instead of going straight to the wave pool, so we are wasting time, you asked me earlier to ask two other friends if they wanted to come and they said they were busy, but you kept insisting for me to call them, when we know what they said. At least point I really just want to go home. I said this and they thought I was playing.. I'm not. So when you finally give in and take us.. we only have an hour or two to play in the pool, which you were able to pay for yourself again... But guess what when I let you used my charger.. I saw the messages you guys sent back and fourth... If you don't wanna be my friend anymore. STOP TALKING TO ME! Because TBH you guys make me feel like shit, even though I already feel like shit when I'm at home. I don't need the extra bullshit...So you guys have fun. You guys deserve each other. You guys are made for each other and I'm gonna be okay.
See You Later
Emmie <3
Monday, July 27, 2015
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Where Do I Belong?
Hey Guys,
My first OFFICAL post on Blogger.com, like you are gonna get some drama in your system because I know you guys missed me... right? Anyways I started writing this post about two or three days ago, forgot what it was about, but hey Imma post it anyways and start over with a new post about everything that has been going on in the World of Emmie :D
See You Later
Enjoy
Emmie <3
So as you can see I had to start over because Blog.com keeps giving me problems when I want to rant, so I switched to Blogger. We'll see how this works out, but lets get down to business... When I mean busy I mean ranting. So today was HOT, busy and upsetting... For one it was like 100 degrees outside and the AC in the store couldn't really help when you're running around trying to get stuff done, because you are the only one working on the truck, (For those of you who are new.. I work in Drug GM at Kroger, just started a few weeks ago; been at Kroger for almost a year & they gave me a promotion) The other two people had their hands full redoing the Seasonal aisle, which needs to be done, but Wednesday. But I finished the Totes and hopefully my co worker finished the Odds (Which is the random boxes of crap we get to add on the 25 totes we get each day). I worked from 9am to 3:05pm (I had to put the boxes and plastic away before I left & tell my Manager I'm leaving). Got my Nana a paper and went home to chill in some real AC. I was annoyed and tired at this point and just wanted to chill out, but my Boyfriend called, which made my day because I haven't received any text messages from him and he asked if we could hangout, so of course I said yes. Got the car and went to see babe. Came home for Family dinner, which I hate my family, so it wasn't fun. Getting called things that you don't even know the meaning of or just never thought of doing such things in your life, but having your family say you do such things is just WONDERFUL... Apparently I hit something and now I have to pay for it, even though I didn't hit a DAMN thing! Yes I had the car, doesn't mean I hit anything! I ain't paying for shit... Her keep saying this things is literally making me think of just disappearing now and never coming back, but there is no way I can do it, not on my own that is...
My first OFFICAL post on Blogger.com, like you are gonna get some drama in your system because I know you guys missed me... right? Anyways I started writing this post about two or three days ago, forgot what it was about, but hey Imma post it anyways and start over with a new post about everything that has been going on in the World of Emmie :D
See You Later
Enjoy
Emmie <3
So as you can see I had to start over because Blog.com keeps giving me problems when I want to rant, so I switched to Blogger. We'll see how this works out, but lets get down to business... When I mean busy I mean ranting. So today was HOT, busy and upsetting... For one it was like 100 degrees outside and the AC in the store couldn't really help when you're running around trying to get stuff done, because you are the only one working on the truck, (For those of you who are new.. I work in Drug GM at Kroger, just started a few weeks ago; been at Kroger for almost a year & they gave me a promotion) The other two people had their hands full redoing the Seasonal aisle, which needs to be done, but Wednesday. But I finished the Totes and hopefully my co worker finished the Odds (Which is the random boxes of crap we get to add on the 25 totes we get each day). I worked from 9am to 3:05pm (I had to put the boxes and plastic away before I left & tell my Manager I'm leaving). Got my Nana a paper and went home to chill in some real AC. I was annoyed and tired at this point and just wanted to chill out, but my Boyfriend called, which made my day because I haven't received any text messages from him and he asked if we could hangout, so of course I said yes. Got the car and went to see babe. Came home for Family dinner, which I hate my family, so it wasn't fun. Getting called things that you don't even know the meaning of or just never thought of doing such things in your life, but having your family say you do such things is just WONDERFUL... Apparently I hit something and now I have to pay for it, even though I didn't hit a DAMN thing! Yes I had the car, doesn't mean I hit anything! I ain't paying for shit... Her keep saying this things is literally making me think of just disappearing now and never coming back, but there is no way I can do it, not on my own that is...
Not Feeling Like Myself, Whoever That Is (June 24, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So I don’t like Drug GM like I thought I was going too, I mean yes I don’t have to push carts, or deal with the Bottle Bins, or have to deal with me just being the only person bagging, which is all great don’t get me wrong. What I miss about being a bagger is all the co workers I got to talk too, all the jokes and goofing around and stuff like that, but in Drug GM; THERE’S NO ONE TO TALK TOO?! Like I’m singing to myself, so I don’t go mad. It’s pretty much me, my box cutter and all the stuff I have to put on the shelf. I don’t see how the other 4 people don’t go mad! Like apart of me wants to leave, but apart of me doesn’t want to seem like a failure because I couldn’t handle it. I can handle lifting the stuff, fixing the stuff and making sure the job gets done right, but what I can’t handle is keeping my damn mouth shut and not talking to anyone! I haven’t or talked in that damn place for five days! Which isn’t normal for me! There’s a new girl working up front now and it feels like she’s replacing me and she’s gonna do a better job than me; which isn’t true because I did a damn good job and I set that bar high as it possibly would go, but a little part of me feels that way. But I’m too nice of a person to leave, they need my help, so Imma stay until they don’t need me no more.
Enough about work, let’s talk about friends and boyfriend for a hot second. So LET’S TALK ABOUT FRIENDS!
So I really want to see the movie Inside Out and none of my friends wanted to see it until I showed them the previews and stuff. My “best guy friend” was the hardest one to convince, but I finally got him to want to see it. So we couldn’t see it last week, because he was running late, but we went bowling and had a lot of fun. I still wanna see it, so I was thinking we could go Friday, but I haven’t asked or planned it all the way out yet. I was already having a kinda bad day at work, because of my hair.. sigh, but then I check my messages and my bestie tells me he went to go see it without us. I was already mad at him for what he did the days before and not making me seem like I’m god enough to be his friend, dogging on me back my boyfriend and saying I should be happy that I’m not a bagger anymore, like he just doesn’t understand. Like he doesn’t care to understand because he HAS to be always right even though he isn’t.
Time to talk about Boyfriend…. If I still have one.
I don’t know how many times I have to tell him, that I feel like I’m being used. I don’t need or want him to buy me things or anything like that, all I’m asking is for him to text me or see me when were both free and try to make plans. Like I’m the one planning it or driving to see him and he’s not putting much effort into it. I’m actually thinking of breaking up with him, or ending it. Because I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF IM HIS GIRLFRIEND! Like he calls me Baby, Cutie, Liz, Babe and all that cute shit, but when I do it, it’s a no no. Ugh. He texted me this afternoon and I actually didn’t reply back… I keep trying and trying to hangout, but it’s like he just doesn’t want too. I think I’m done with him. I’m done trying to find a boyfriend. I’m just gonna save up money and when school starts back up focus on that. *Sigh* I actually liked him.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So I don’t like Drug GM like I thought I was going too, I mean yes I don’t have to push carts, or deal with the Bottle Bins, or have to deal with me just being the only person bagging, which is all great don’t get me wrong. What I miss about being a bagger is all the co workers I got to talk too, all the jokes and goofing around and stuff like that, but in Drug GM; THERE’S NO ONE TO TALK TOO?! Like I’m singing to myself, so I don’t go mad. It’s pretty much me, my box cutter and all the stuff I have to put on the shelf. I don’t see how the other 4 people don’t go mad! Like apart of me wants to leave, but apart of me doesn’t want to seem like a failure because I couldn’t handle it. I can handle lifting the stuff, fixing the stuff and making sure the job gets done right, but what I can’t handle is keeping my damn mouth shut and not talking to anyone! I haven’t or talked in that damn place for five days! Which isn’t normal for me! There’s a new girl working up front now and it feels like she’s replacing me and she’s gonna do a better job than me; which isn’t true because I did a damn good job and I set that bar high as it possibly would go, but a little part of me feels that way. But I’m too nice of a person to leave, they need my help, so Imma stay until they don’t need me no more.
Enough about work, let’s talk about friends and boyfriend for a hot second. So LET’S TALK ABOUT FRIENDS!
So I really want to see the movie Inside Out and none of my friends wanted to see it until I showed them the previews and stuff. My “best guy friend” was the hardest one to convince, but I finally got him to want to see it. So we couldn’t see it last week, because he was running late, but we went bowling and had a lot of fun. I still wanna see it, so I was thinking we could go Friday, but I haven’t asked or planned it all the way out yet. I was already having a kinda bad day at work, because of my hair.. sigh, but then I check my messages and my bestie tells me he went to go see it without us. I was already mad at him for what he did the days before and not making me seem like I’m god enough to be his friend, dogging on me back my boyfriend and saying I should be happy that I’m not a bagger anymore, like he just doesn’t understand. Like he doesn’t care to understand because he HAS to be always right even though he isn’t.
Time to talk about Boyfriend…. If I still have one.
I don’t know how many times I have to tell him, that I feel like I’m being used. I don’t need or want him to buy me things or anything like that, all I’m asking is for him to text me or see me when were both free and try to make plans. Like I’m the one planning it or driving to see him and he’s not putting much effort into it. I’m actually thinking of breaking up with him, or ending it. Because I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF IM HIS GIRLFRIEND! Like he calls me Baby, Cutie, Liz, Babe and all that cute shit, but when I do it, it’s a no no. Ugh. He texted me this afternoon and I actually didn’t reply back… I keep trying and trying to hangout, but it’s like he just doesn’t want too. I think I’m done with him. I’m done trying to find a boyfriend. I’m just gonna save up money and when school starts back up focus on that. *Sigh* I actually liked him.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Not Feeling Good Enough (June 20, 2015)
Hey guys,
I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but I’ve been busy with work. Finished my first year of college and now I’m focusing on work and trying to save up money for a car or just to have cash in the bank. But instead of saving money I’m spending money and going out and trying to have good time, but instead of having a good I’m feeling bad because it seems like everyone doesn’t want to hangout with just me, so they invited other people too. So it’s not just me and so and so and so and so. It has to be so and so and so and so and then so and so times 4 like God damn why can’t it just be the three of us or the two of us instead of a huge group. Making it seem like just the two people or three people aren’t worth your attention unless there are other people.
But enough about friendships. Im in a weird and confusing relationship. Weird because I’m not use to it. Confusing because I’m not use to it. But exciting. We might have started off wrong and what not, but we talked and it’s all good. We’ll to me and him it is. To my best friend he thinks I’m stupid. My boyfriend is on his third and last strike. If he messes up its over. Gosh I miss writing.
I also got a promotion at work. No more bagging no more pushing carts. So happy and nervous. It’s something I’m not use to. Yesterday was my first day, but today will be my first day punching in not as a bagger.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but I’ve been busy with work. Finished my first year of college and now I’m focusing on work and trying to save up money for a car or just to have cash in the bank. But instead of saving money I’m spending money and going out and trying to have good time, but instead of having a good I’m feeling bad because it seems like everyone doesn’t want to hangout with just me, so they invited other people too. So it’s not just me and so and so and so and so. It has to be so and so and so and so and then so and so times 4 like God damn why can’t it just be the three of us or the two of us instead of a huge group. Making it seem like just the two people or three people aren’t worth your attention unless there are other people.
But enough about friendships. Im in a weird and confusing relationship. Weird because I’m not use to it. Confusing because I’m not use to it. But exciting. We might have started off wrong and what not, but we talked and it’s all good. We’ll to me and him it is. To my best friend he thinks I’m stupid. My boyfriend is on his third and last strike. If he messes up its over. Gosh I miss writing.
I also got a promotion at work. No more bagging no more pushing carts. So happy and nervous. It’s something I’m not use to. Yesterday was my first day, but today will be my first day punching in not as a bagger.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Bad Thing? (May 25, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So I probably will regret this later on, but right now I’m gonna have some fun. So my Ex.. Let’s call him Jeremy decided to Snapchat me and to continue on to Kik me, while I was at work today… Yesterday, whatever. And he was saying sorry and blah, blah, blah. So I used the opportunity to question him, to know why he did what he did, was break up with me, but not once, but twice. The first time I understood because his mom was like deadly ill and he needed to focus on her and she loved me and I hoped she got better soon and that he would take care of us. We were still friends on Facebook and Instagram, so I got to see how everything was going. We started dating and talking again after a few months, this was also my Senior year and when we started talking again I asked him to go to my prom with me and he said he was gonna think about it, but whatever to know the color of my dress, which was Blue, both our favorite color by the way, but anyways a few weeks later, he calls me on Skype and says we have to break up… again. I didn’t even wanna know why. It was so close to problem, my mom was being a bitch and trying to relive her Prom through me and Senior Pictures were bad, so I just let it be. Remember how I said we were friends on Facebook and we followed each other on Instagram, checking Instagram a few weeks later and there’s a picture of him and this girl kissing each other and the caption said “Finally have Babe to myself” Yes I remember all of this because it kinda still hurts and his bring back old feelings and memories we shared together. Anyways he broke up with me to date this girl, that I might say didn’t look as good as me, look but for real tho she was cute and I guess she lived closer to him than I did. So today…. yesterday I asked him about it and he said that he was super sorry and blah, blah, blah and wanted to say it face to face; I was going to my Auntie’s house, so we skyped and he said he was really sorry and told me that he thought he could handle his mom’s sickness and date me, but couldn’t, so he stopped talking to me and thought I wouldn’t take him back a third time, so he dated this girl. He said it was stupid teenage stuff and he wants to make it up to me….. NOW HERE’S THE PROBLEM…
This girl has a boyfriend, that is finally going good, and I ain’t gonna fuck it up because you wanna make it up to me. I know how you are when you were with me, just because you said you change, doesn’t really mean you “Changed”. I don’t even know if I want to be friends, because he has hurt me more than my other Exs Trent & Luther. I’m happy with my boyfriend that I have now, I’m happy with this situation, I’m comfortable. Even tho he doesn’t like being comfortable. I am for now. He’s finally sharing his fucking feelings and calling me Babe, he’s been calling me beautiful, but hearing Babe is equally awesome.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So I probably will regret this later on, but right now I’m gonna have some fun. So my Ex.. Let’s call him Jeremy decided to Snapchat me and to continue on to Kik me, while I was at work today… Yesterday, whatever. And he was saying sorry and blah, blah, blah. So I used the opportunity to question him, to know why he did what he did, was break up with me, but not once, but twice. The first time I understood because his mom was like deadly ill and he needed to focus on her and she loved me and I hoped she got better soon and that he would take care of us. We were still friends on Facebook and Instagram, so I got to see how everything was going. We started dating and talking again after a few months, this was also my Senior year and when we started talking again I asked him to go to my prom with me and he said he was gonna think about it, but whatever to know the color of my dress, which was Blue, both our favorite color by the way, but anyways a few weeks later, he calls me on Skype and says we have to break up… again. I didn’t even wanna know why. It was so close to problem, my mom was being a bitch and trying to relive her Prom through me and Senior Pictures were bad, so I just let it be. Remember how I said we were friends on Facebook and we followed each other on Instagram, checking Instagram a few weeks later and there’s a picture of him and this girl kissing each other and the caption said “Finally have Babe to myself” Yes I remember all of this because it kinda still hurts and his bring back old feelings and memories we shared together. Anyways he broke up with me to date this girl, that I might say didn’t look as good as me, look but for real tho she was cute and I guess she lived closer to him than I did. So today…. yesterday I asked him about it and he said that he was super sorry and blah, blah, blah and wanted to say it face to face; I was going to my Auntie’s house, so we skyped and he said he was really sorry and told me that he thought he could handle his mom’s sickness and date me, but couldn’t, so he stopped talking to me and thought I wouldn’t take him back a third time, so he dated this girl. He said it was stupid teenage stuff and he wants to make it up to me….. NOW HERE’S THE PROBLEM…
This girl has a boyfriend, that is finally going good, and I ain’t gonna fuck it up because you wanna make it up to me. I know how you are when you were with me, just because you said you change, doesn’t really mean you “Changed”. I don’t even know if I want to be friends, because he has hurt me more than my other Exs Trent & Luther. I’m happy with my boyfriend that I have now, I’m happy with this situation, I’m comfortable. Even tho he doesn’t like being comfortable. I am for now. He’s finally sharing his fucking feelings and calling me Babe, he’s been calling me beautiful, but hearing Babe is equally awesome.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Being & Feeling Beautiful (May 25, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So I wanted to talk about something that happen in my English class today. We were reading an essay called “The Controversey behind Barbie” by Prisna Virasin and she was telling how and why the first Barbie doll and then as years went how there was a Anti- Barbie, a Pro Barbie and a Moderate Barbie campaign. Showing both side of why they feel the way they did and saying that Barbie is just a doll and it’s immature to be arguing about a doll. Prisna then said when she was in college and she was introduced to feminism, she tried to deny any past connection with Barbie. She was a ashamed to have ever associated with this figure and feels sorry for little girls.
What I think of the subject is I’m Anti- Barbie, I’m against the whole thing. Yes, Barbie can do anything, but before that all she could focus on was fashion, makeup and how she looked. She had to be this prefect little doll that just cared about that. I never played with Barbie, I had Bratz, which kinda are/aren’t the same thing, but now thinking about it as a young adult, the doll was teaching little girls are you need is beauty, no brains. So maybe that’s why my generation is all about looks, I’m not completely, but I care if my outfit has a hole or a stain or if my hair is out of place. I’m not into the whole collection of make up. Waste of money and time too me. I love doing my nails and stuff, but that is only $1 and I use the whole bottle before I, myself, buy me more. Once in awhile I’ll treat myself like I did this week, I got my hair braided, which will last for 3 months and my nails, which will last as long as I want them to last. So to me money well spent, but if you’re spending more than 1/2 your check on make up that won’t stay on very long or you’ll forget it’s on and have to redo it, or it starts to rain and it messes up your whole face, which will mess up your whole day.
Girls now and days are trying to get “Sexy” & “Skinny” & “Hot”. How about looking “Smart” & “Beautiful” & “Comfortable”. That’s what I am. I am comfortable being in my skin, I am okay with being plus size, sometimes, I’m okay with the acne on my face, the beauty marks on my body, my nonexistenting thigh gap, whatever that is, my big boobs and butt, my kinda long/short hair, my lips, my eyes; I’m in love with who I am and what I look like. It took me awhile to be okay. A year ago I would have a list of things I wanna change and things I would say that I hate, but now those things I hate are the things that make me who I am. And Being Emmie is the most amazing journey I’ve ever had and I can’t wait to continue this.
So no matter what you look like, what people say or call you, you are beautiful and amazing. No one is perfect. There is no such thing as being perfect. Everyone has something that they don’t like, everyone makes mistakes. Just remember, No one can be a better YOU than YOU…. I don’t know where I heard that from…
“You are Beautifully and Wonderfully made” ~Demi Lovato
Love You Guys
See You Later
Emmie <3
So I wanted to talk about something that happen in my English class today. We were reading an essay called “The Controversey behind Barbie” by Prisna Virasin and she was telling how and why the first Barbie doll and then as years went how there was a Anti- Barbie, a Pro Barbie and a Moderate Barbie campaign. Showing both side of why they feel the way they did and saying that Barbie is just a doll and it’s immature to be arguing about a doll. Prisna then said when she was in college and she was introduced to feminism, she tried to deny any past connection with Barbie. She was a ashamed to have ever associated with this figure and feels sorry for little girls.
What I think of the subject is I’m Anti- Barbie, I’m against the whole thing. Yes, Barbie can do anything, but before that all she could focus on was fashion, makeup and how she looked. She had to be this prefect little doll that just cared about that. I never played with Barbie, I had Bratz, which kinda are/aren’t the same thing, but now thinking about it as a young adult, the doll was teaching little girls are you need is beauty, no brains. So maybe that’s why my generation is all about looks, I’m not completely, but I care if my outfit has a hole or a stain or if my hair is out of place. I’m not into the whole collection of make up. Waste of money and time too me. I love doing my nails and stuff, but that is only $1 and I use the whole bottle before I, myself, buy me more. Once in awhile I’ll treat myself like I did this week, I got my hair braided, which will last for 3 months and my nails, which will last as long as I want them to last. So to me money well spent, but if you’re spending more than 1/2 your check on make up that won’t stay on very long or you’ll forget it’s on and have to redo it, or it starts to rain and it messes up your whole face, which will mess up your whole day.
Girls now and days are trying to get “Sexy” & “Skinny” & “Hot”. How about looking “Smart” & “Beautiful” & “Comfortable”. That’s what I am. I am comfortable being in my skin, I am okay with being plus size, sometimes, I’m okay with the acne on my face, the beauty marks on my body, my nonexistenting thigh gap, whatever that is, my big boobs and butt, my kinda long/short hair, my lips, my eyes; I’m in love with who I am and what I look like. It took me awhile to be okay. A year ago I would have a list of things I wanna change and things I would say that I hate, but now those things I hate are the things that make me who I am. And Being Emmie is the most amazing journey I’ve ever had and I can’t wait to continue this.
So no matter what you look like, what people say or call you, you are beautiful and amazing. No one is perfect. There is no such thing as being perfect. Everyone has something that they don’t like, everyone makes mistakes. Just remember, No one can be a better YOU than YOU…. I don’t know where I heard that from…
“You are Beautifully and Wonderfully made” ~Demi Lovato
Love You Guys
See You Later
Emmie <3
Bad Dreams & Boyfriend?? (April 29, 2015)
Hey Guys,
Here’s another post because I’m bored and I’m not ready to go to bed and wake up for work and deal with people, so here’s another post.
So for the past, I don’t know, Five days I’ve been having bad dreams and the dream I had last night was just bad. It was me, my “boyfriend”, my brother, my 3 year old cousin, my two best friends and my two workers sitting on my porch. Keep in mind I live in Detroit and it was also day light. But we were talking about what we should do for tonight. My brother and my cousin were playing cars, when this car was going down the street the wrong way (My street is a one way only street) and there were four African American guys in the car and the one that was sitting behind the driver, had a big gun out the window. My first thought was to grab my cousin, but my “Boyfriend” grabbed me and then the other two guys grabbed the other two girls and my brother took cover. The guy started pushing the trigger, but nothing was coming out it was just making the noise, so I looked over and it looked like stuff was coming out and it was hitting the walls and the window, but wasn’t breaking anything, so I was gonna grab my cousin, but my “Boyfriend” said he was going too and told me to stay here and be safe. As he started to grab my cousin, real bullets came out and they hit my cousin, my boyfriend and my brother, before they drove away.
My dreams have been like this for days and I don’t understand why. I don’t eat late, I go to bad at a time where I can get at least 6 hours of sleep. I just don’t understand why I’m having dreams like this. I actually don’t even want to go to sleep because I might have another bad dream and I honestly don’t think I can handle it. Yes, I’m 19 years old and I’m talking about having nightmares to the point where I don’t want to go to bed, but if you could see what I saw, if you think about it… What kind of person can come up with seeing some of the best things in your life, die right in front of you more than one time, it’s pretty scary and sad.
So my “Boyfriend” situation, I don’t know if we are together, if we are just having fun and trying to get to know each other, which I’m 100% okay with, what I’m not okay with is what we’ve been doing. I mean I like it, but I’m worth more and I’m better than this. We put each other on a grounding you can say for a month, and when we cooked, we kinda broke it, so we added an extra week. I’m starting to think it’s just that and it will be nothing more, but then he says that he thinks it’s true love and stuff like that, which I know it’s bull… well I do and I don’t because I don’t trust people period. I mean he met my Nana and my cousin, which they both hit it off, they really liked him, but I don’t know. I like him, he’s one of the first guys that wanted to get to know me and my family and cares about my school work and my job and how i’m feeling. Maybe I’m overreacting. I can’t help, but to think that nobody really wants to be with a person like me because of my mother drilling that into my head. I guess only time will let me know. Wish me luck.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Here’s another post because I’m bored and I’m not ready to go to bed and wake up for work and deal with people, so here’s another post.
So for the past, I don’t know, Five days I’ve been having bad dreams and the dream I had last night was just bad. It was me, my “boyfriend”, my brother, my 3 year old cousin, my two best friends and my two workers sitting on my porch. Keep in mind I live in Detroit and it was also day light. But we were talking about what we should do for tonight. My brother and my cousin were playing cars, when this car was going down the street the wrong way (My street is a one way only street) and there were four African American guys in the car and the one that was sitting behind the driver, had a big gun out the window. My first thought was to grab my cousin, but my “Boyfriend” grabbed me and then the other two guys grabbed the other two girls and my brother took cover. The guy started pushing the trigger, but nothing was coming out it was just making the noise, so I looked over and it looked like stuff was coming out and it was hitting the walls and the window, but wasn’t breaking anything, so I was gonna grab my cousin, but my “Boyfriend” said he was going too and told me to stay here and be safe. As he started to grab my cousin, real bullets came out and they hit my cousin, my boyfriend and my brother, before they drove away.
My dreams have been like this for days and I don’t understand why. I don’t eat late, I go to bad at a time where I can get at least 6 hours of sleep. I just don’t understand why I’m having dreams like this. I actually don’t even want to go to sleep because I might have another bad dream and I honestly don’t think I can handle it. Yes, I’m 19 years old and I’m talking about having nightmares to the point where I don’t want to go to bed, but if you could see what I saw, if you think about it… What kind of person can come up with seeing some of the best things in your life, die right in front of you more than one time, it’s pretty scary and sad.
So my “Boyfriend” situation, I don’t know if we are together, if we are just having fun and trying to get to know each other, which I’m 100% okay with, what I’m not okay with is what we’ve been doing. I mean I like it, but I’m worth more and I’m better than this. We put each other on a grounding you can say for a month, and when we cooked, we kinda broke it, so we added an extra week. I’m starting to think it’s just that and it will be nothing more, but then he says that he thinks it’s true love and stuff like that, which I know it’s bull… well I do and I don’t because I don’t trust people period. I mean he met my Nana and my cousin, which they both hit it off, they really liked him, but I don’t know. I like him, he’s one of the first guys that wanted to get to know me and my family and cares about my school work and my job and how i’m feeling. Maybe I’m overreacting. I can’t help, but to think that nobody really wants to be with a person like me because of my mother drilling that into my head. I guess only time will let me know. Wish me luck.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Feeling Left Out for No Reason (April 29, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So I had day and night classes today and they went very well. I’m still having second thought about going to college, because I feel like I can’t do it. That I’m not worth, bettering myself, but I still do it because I like to learn. Anyways I was in my Intro to Human Services class and we were talking about Therapists and how they should and shouldn’t act when their clients are around. So I rose my hand, telling my teacher and five other students that I don’t even know, what happen to me back in February, the reason why I started writing on here. And they didn’t judge me, they didn’t say I was stupid for what I did, but they did agree that they way my mom handle the situation was wrong and then kick me out almost a year later. It felt good to know that these adults, that don’t even know me, cares about me. They care that I’m going to school and working my butt off and still trying to have fun. So we got to leave class early and I messaged my friends in the group chat, saying I get to go home early and I didn’t want to see my “boyfriend” (That’s another story, for another time), but anyways. I was planning on just going home and doing some homework, but my BFFL called asking if I wanted to hangout and course I did because she was gonna be around for the week, so duh I want to spend as much time with her as I can. So I was walking to the parking lot of the school and I was about to take a picture of my Sexy car (I just washed in and cleaned the inside, it look AMAZING), but they pulled up right next to me, so I didn’t take the picture. But we decided to hangout after I dropped the car, so they were gonna meet me at home. So we had a race that of course I won because I know short cuts to get to my house, especially when I stay out too late. So I dropped the car off, we go get another friend and we go to Subway, which everything was fine and I appreciate that she got me food, but once we dropped her off, I felt like a third wheel for some reason. I don’t know why, but I did. Like the only reason why they know each other is because of me and my other friend, but they have so many inside jokes and stuff. I don’t know. I also hate that I get dropped off first, Yes I know I live in Detroit and it’s scary, but gosh I hate it because I know they hangout a little bit more after they get rid of me. I miss how it was in High School how I got to pick who I got to hangout with that weekend and there were so many to pick from, but I also picked my BFFL because I loved hangout with her. But it seems like everyone is hanging out without me because I’m so sassy and independent and I come off as a butch woman and some people are scared of that. I don’t know how to turn it off, I just want to protect myself, so I don’t feel the way I’m feeling right now. I FEEL LIKE CRAP! I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T BE THEIR FRIEND! Sometimes I think of just going to school, work, and just hang out with my family and “Boyfriend”. It seems like they’re okay without me and I’m heartbroken to know that they can go out without me, which I know it’s true. My heart says one thing, my brain says another. I’m over-thinking shit
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So I had day and night classes today and they went very well. I’m still having second thought about going to college, because I feel like I can’t do it. That I’m not worth, bettering myself, but I still do it because I like to learn. Anyways I was in my Intro to Human Services class and we were talking about Therapists and how they should and shouldn’t act when their clients are around. So I rose my hand, telling my teacher and five other students that I don’t even know, what happen to me back in February, the reason why I started writing on here. And they didn’t judge me, they didn’t say I was stupid for what I did, but they did agree that they way my mom handle the situation was wrong and then kick me out almost a year later. It felt good to know that these adults, that don’t even know me, cares about me. They care that I’m going to school and working my butt off and still trying to have fun. So we got to leave class early and I messaged my friends in the group chat, saying I get to go home early and I didn’t want to see my “boyfriend” (That’s another story, for another time), but anyways. I was planning on just going home and doing some homework, but my BFFL called asking if I wanted to hangout and course I did because she was gonna be around for the week, so duh I want to spend as much time with her as I can. So I was walking to the parking lot of the school and I was about to take a picture of my Sexy car (I just washed in and cleaned the inside, it look AMAZING), but they pulled up right next to me, so I didn’t take the picture. But we decided to hangout after I dropped the car, so they were gonna meet me at home. So we had a race that of course I won because I know short cuts to get to my house, especially when I stay out too late. So I dropped the car off, we go get another friend and we go to Subway, which everything was fine and I appreciate that she got me food, but once we dropped her off, I felt like a third wheel for some reason. I don’t know why, but I did. Like the only reason why they know each other is because of me and my other friend, but they have so many inside jokes and stuff. I don’t know. I also hate that I get dropped off first, Yes I know I live in Detroit and it’s scary, but gosh I hate it because I know they hangout a little bit more after they get rid of me. I miss how it was in High School how I got to pick who I got to hangout with that weekend and there were so many to pick from, but I also picked my BFFL because I loved hangout with her. But it seems like everyone is hanging out without me because I’m so sassy and independent and I come off as a butch woman and some people are scared of that. I don’t know how to turn it off, I just want to protect myself, so I don’t feel the way I’m feeling right now. I FEEL LIKE CRAP! I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T BE THEIR FRIEND! Sometimes I think of just going to school, work, and just hang out with my family and “Boyfriend”. It seems like they’re okay without me and I’m heartbroken to know that they can go out without me, which I know it’s true. My heart says one thing, my brain says another. I’m over-thinking shit
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
"Always in a Mood" (April 23, 2015)
Hey Guys,
I know it’s been in awhile since I posted something, so here you. Here’s some drama for ya.
So I’ve been going through a lot of stuff for the past 3 weeks and I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but 3 people. Sorry you weren’t one of them. Not really, but anyways. Just because I don’t want to talk to you, and everything you say is annoying the shit out of me, doesn’t mean I’m always in a mood. Out of the 3 of us you are the #1 Drama queen. Always throwing “My Anxiety” this “My Depression” that. We all know you have it, but now; actually I’ve been thinking it’s a cry for attention. Why didn’t he just let us stop being friends? You think I’m a bitch, well I think you’re a bitch.
I’m allowed to be sad. Not everything has to be about you. Everything doesn’t have to be about me either, but every fucking conversation is about you and him, or how you hate your job, or how your anxiety is over the top and you want to kill yourself. But when I feel like I made a mistake or I have a bad day and that bad day turns into a bad week, I’m “Always in a mood”. Maybe instead of bitching about me behind my back, ask me what’s wrong. Ever thought of that? Of course you haven’t because all you wanna talk about is yourself.
Yes, I’m in a “Mood” now because you also think I’m in a mood as much as I do for you. This is why I don’t have many friends, because of shit like this. If I’m having a bad day or whatever, I don’t need a friend to talk behind my back saying “Oh Shit she’s in a mood again. Like always”. I put my shit aside all the time to deal with your shit when I don’t really have too. And to be honest I don’t even wanna hangout Saturday. I don’t want to spend the night and I don’t even wanna see your face.
To be honest I’m thinking of just staying home for the summer. Just work and family. Save money for my own car, try to get out of this house, move into an apartment. The possibility that I have planned for myself are endless and I’m gonna start this weekend. I’m gonna focus on myself, I’m going to get fit, I’m gonna be happy, I’m gonna have fun and I’m gonna be a young adult I should and not a little kid. I’m not gonna let anyone hold me back anymore. I’m not gonna second guess myself. I’m gonna do me.
Thanks for reading
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I know it’s been in awhile since I posted something, so here you. Here’s some drama for ya.
So I’ve been going through a lot of stuff for the past 3 weeks and I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but 3 people. Sorry you weren’t one of them. Not really, but anyways. Just because I don’t want to talk to you, and everything you say is annoying the shit out of me, doesn’t mean I’m always in a mood. Out of the 3 of us you are the #1 Drama queen. Always throwing “My Anxiety” this “My Depression” that. We all know you have it, but now; actually I’ve been thinking it’s a cry for attention. Why didn’t he just let us stop being friends? You think I’m a bitch, well I think you’re a bitch.
I’m allowed to be sad. Not everything has to be about you. Everything doesn’t have to be about me either, but every fucking conversation is about you and him, or how you hate your job, or how your anxiety is over the top and you want to kill yourself. But when I feel like I made a mistake or I have a bad day and that bad day turns into a bad week, I’m “Always in a mood”. Maybe instead of bitching about me behind my back, ask me what’s wrong. Ever thought of that? Of course you haven’t because all you wanna talk about is yourself.
Yes, I’m in a “Mood” now because you also think I’m in a mood as much as I do for you. This is why I don’t have many friends, because of shit like this. If I’m having a bad day or whatever, I don’t need a friend to talk behind my back saying “Oh Shit she’s in a mood again. Like always”. I put my shit aside all the time to deal with your shit when I don’t really have too. And to be honest I don’t even wanna hangout Saturday. I don’t want to spend the night and I don’t even wanna see your face.
To be honest I’m thinking of just staying home for the summer. Just work and family. Save money for my own car, try to get out of this house, move into an apartment. The possibility that I have planned for myself are endless and I’m gonna start this weekend. I’m gonna focus on myself, I’m going to get fit, I’m gonna be happy, I’m gonna have fun and I’m gonna be a young adult I should and not a little kid. I’m not gonna let anyone hold me back anymore. I’m not gonna second guess myself. I’m gonna do me.
Thanks for reading
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Finals (March 17, 2015)
Hey Guys,
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted something, but here’s a rant about today. So today I had my final for my Composition and Sociology & I had Composition this morning, which was a presentation and mind you I can not present in front of people very well, but I do my best & I go up there and I get the worst of it from my teacher & the students were rude. After all the presentation the teacher pretty much talks about me, but doesn’t use my name, but we all know it’s me. And of course my best friend goes after me an he’s amazing and everyone is clapping and saying he did a great job. Whatever. And of course I probably failed and u might have to retake the class, which would be a first. Go to math, I’m ahead and the top of the class, so I’m happy about that. Go home talk to babe & then come back to school for my Sociology class and they gave away my seat! I didn’t like them anyways, but whatever. I’m just so done with today. I want to scream, I want to be in my babe’s arms. Happy & able to forget about the bad day I’ve been having.
I might post another thing about my “best friend” after class.
See Ya Later
Emmie♡
It’s been awhile since I’ve posted something, but here’s a rant about today. So today I had my final for my Composition and Sociology & I had Composition this morning, which was a presentation and mind you I can not present in front of people very well, but I do my best & I go up there and I get the worst of it from my teacher & the students were rude. After all the presentation the teacher pretty much talks about me, but doesn’t use my name, but we all know it’s me. And of course my best friend goes after me an he’s amazing and everyone is clapping and saying he did a great job. Whatever. And of course I probably failed and u might have to retake the class, which would be a first. Go to math, I’m ahead and the top of the class, so I’m happy about that. Go home talk to babe & then come back to school for my Sociology class and they gave away my seat! I didn’t like them anyways, but whatever. I’m just so done with today. I want to scream, I want to be in my babe’s arms. Happy & able to forget about the bad day I’ve been having.
I might post another thing about my “best friend” after class.
See Ya Later
Emmie♡
Eyes (February 26, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So i’m at the hospital with my She- Devil AKA my mother and she isn’t doing so well, which I never wished this upon her, I just wanted her to know how it felt like to deal with the crap she made me go through, but life is making her go through something worse. Her eyes are bleeding because of pressure on her optic nerve and it could be because she has diabetes or high blood pressure or both or because her brain is enlarged either way, we need to take care of this now before it’s too late. So that’s what we’re doing now. Sitting and waiting in a cold room to be moved into an even colder room upstairs and then get some stuff down tomorrow morning, which I have school tomorrow, so I’m gonna be worried all day until I see her again. It’s a love hate relationship with my mom. She likes to make fun of me and stuff like, but at the end of the day she is still my mom and I love her.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So i’m at the hospital with my She- Devil AKA my mother and she isn’t doing so well, which I never wished this upon her, I just wanted her to know how it felt like to deal with the crap she made me go through, but life is making her go through something worse. Her eyes are bleeding because of pressure on her optic nerve and it could be because she has diabetes or high blood pressure or both or because her brain is enlarged either way, we need to take care of this now before it’s too late. So that’s what we’re doing now. Sitting and waiting in a cold room to be moved into an even colder room upstairs and then get some stuff down tomorrow morning, which I have school tomorrow, so I’m gonna be worried all day until I see her again. It’s a love hate relationship with my mom. She likes to make fun of me and stuff like, but at the end of the day she is still my mom and I love her.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
The Dream (February25, 2015)
So i’m 99.9% sure this never happen between the two people my brain made me believe. I had a dream that my two best friends’ hooked up, which I’ll totally be okay with and stuff, but all I wanna know is why my brain would be such a dick!? Like doesn’t she know I like one of them? Well actually i’m trying to get over him and tell myself it would NEVER work out because “He doesn’t like me”, “I don’t meet his standards” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah… But maybe my brain was doing me a favorite… A wake up immediately, be pissed about “what i saw” and then cry about it because seeing your crush with a girl he said he doesn’t even like, that is also your best friend is fucked up. Maybe my brain was letting me know I should feel with way with my Ex & this girl I know and hate, they are totally hooking up and told me straight up about it. Actually my brain doesn’t get any excuses it was just fucked up, point blank, end of conversation.
I’m just typing with real quick, without even checking my spelling, before work because 1. I haven’t posted anything in a while and 2. to let you guys know to check out my story on Wattpad.com.
http://www.wattpad.com/story/32790328-true-love-or-bad-timing
^This link will take you straight to the story :D
Read it, Vote for it & Share it!
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I’m just typing with real quick, without even checking my spelling, before work because 1. I haven’t posted anything in a while and 2. to let you guys know to check out my story on Wattpad.com.
http://www.wattpad.com/story/32790328-true-love-or-bad-timing
^This link will take you straight to the story :D
Read it, Vote for it & Share it!
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
From Detroit to Lincoln Park (January 5, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So I've been thinking about what if i didn’t leave Detroit Public School to go to Lincoln Park School back in 5th grade. This got me thinking when i saw one of my old friends on a cover because he might be going to jail for life for killing and trying to rob an old man. It got me thinking What if I didn’t leave DPS in the 5th grade during that teacher strike? What if i stayed in DPS with all my friends that for generations and generations ago their parents were friends and went to school together and graduated together and went to college together and lived the rest of their lives together watching their kids play together. What would I be? Would I be pregnant like some of my girl friend?Would I be a High school drop out? Would I be on drug and drinking? Would I have killed myself back in February? Would I be this nerdy, fat girl like I am today, focusing on getting away from my mother and trying to find my place in this world? Trying to be and do the best i can to become who I want to be and make sure I’m nothing like my mother? Or would I have turned into my mother? But thinking this through it has always been Lincoln Park. Even if I did stay at DPS the High school closed down by the time I would have to go to High school, so I would have to go to Lincoln Park because that is the closest High school near my home, so maybe it is good that I went to LP when I did. If i didn’t I wouldn’t have meant my amazing Twin, my pretty funny guy friends and my extremely smart girl friends and my 2 extra special best friends that i talk too every day and night. Without these people I could have been pregnant or a drop out, but I’m not. I’m a part- time worker, part- time babysitter, full-time student and a full- time friend.
I’m super lucky
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So I've been thinking about what if i didn’t leave Detroit Public School to go to Lincoln Park School back in 5th grade. This got me thinking when i saw one of my old friends on a cover because he might be going to jail for life for killing and trying to rob an old man. It got me thinking What if I didn’t leave DPS in the 5th grade during that teacher strike? What if i stayed in DPS with all my friends that for generations and generations ago their parents were friends and went to school together and graduated together and went to college together and lived the rest of their lives together watching their kids play together. What would I be? Would I be pregnant like some of my girl friend?Would I be a High school drop out? Would I be on drug and drinking? Would I have killed myself back in February? Would I be this nerdy, fat girl like I am today, focusing on getting away from my mother and trying to find my place in this world? Trying to be and do the best i can to become who I want to be and make sure I’m nothing like my mother? Or would I have turned into my mother? But thinking this through it has always been Lincoln Park. Even if I did stay at DPS the High school closed down by the time I would have to go to High school, so I would have to go to Lincoln Park because that is the closest High school near my home, so maybe it is good that I went to LP when I did. If i didn’t I wouldn’t have meant my amazing Twin, my pretty funny guy friends and my extremely smart girl friends and my 2 extra special best friends that i talk too every day and night. Without these people I could have been pregnant or a drop out, but I’m not. I’m a part- time worker, part- time babysitter, full-time student and a full- time friend.
I’m super lucky
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Different View (January 4, 2015)
Hey Guys,
So I know everyone is sick of that “New Year, New Me”, but It is a New Year, so New Me. I’m not gonna start changing who I am and become a dickhead or anything like that. I’m going to get a gym membership and start working out a do a crazy diet. I want too, but I don’t have time too and I also like the way i look and working at Kroger is a work out on it’s own. But anyways I decided to focus on me. I’m going to focus on school and graduating and trying to become a cashier at my job. I’m over the fact that I like my best friend… well LIKED. I don’t like him anymore because I realized it would be weird if we dated, he doesn’t like me, and my other girlfriends like him and I don’t need the drama when I already have soo much drama here at home. So imma date, but not my best friends. Another thing that I want to focus on is getting a car! I need one! I’m so jealous of him for getting a car. He got it the easy way, but he needed kinda more than I did, but this will turn into a rant if i continue this. Maybe another night when I don’t have to work the next day, but anyways Imma stop being so negative and mean, I’m still gonna have my guard up and be protective of myself, but I’m going to stop thinking everyone doesn’t love me and everyone isn’t using me. They like talking to me, they like hanging out with me and they like talking to me. So that’s it for now.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So I know everyone is sick of that “New Year, New Me”, but It is a New Year, so New Me. I’m not gonna start changing who I am and become a dickhead or anything like that. I’m going to get a gym membership and start working out a do a crazy diet. I want too, but I don’t have time too and I also like the way i look and working at Kroger is a work out on it’s own. But anyways I decided to focus on me. I’m going to focus on school and graduating and trying to become a cashier at my job. I’m over the fact that I like my best friend… well LIKED. I don’t like him anymore because I realized it would be weird if we dated, he doesn’t like me, and my other girlfriends like him and I don’t need the drama when I already have soo much drama here at home. So imma date, but not my best friends. Another thing that I want to focus on is getting a car! I need one! I’m so jealous of him for getting a car. He got it the easy way, but he needed kinda more than I did, but this will turn into a rant if i continue this. Maybe another night when I don’t have to work the next day, but anyways Imma stop being so negative and mean, I’m still gonna have my guard up and be protective of myself, but I’m going to stop thinking everyone doesn’t love me and everyone isn’t using me. They like talking to me, they like hanging out with me and they like talking to me. So that’s it for now.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
New Year, New Me (January 3, 2015)
Hey guys,
I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted but I lot has happen. Let me start by saying Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a safe night! <3
Now let’s get with the drama.
So on New Year’s Eve my friend’s invited me to go out to eat and I agreed to go. I had a ride and I had money, so everything was okay. I didn’t need a ride and I didn’t need to borrow money. So I called my She-Devil “My mom” and told her I was going to get some food with friends and she said No. Why? Because it’s New Year’s Eve. I was gonna be home before midnight and I wasn’t spending the night. I wasn’t drinking and I wasn’t doing drugs. I was hanging out with my friends at Olive Garden. So she made it seem like I was going to a party and I was gonna do drugs and I was gonna drink, so I left anyways. I told my friend to pick me up and I was going and I didn’t give any fucks. So he picked me up and we got our other two friends and we went to Olive Garden. We ate a lot of bread sticks and salad. Afterwards we went to Five Below, but they were closed, so we dropped off friend and was on the way to dropping me off. Once we got to my house I went in, turn the alarm off and then locked the door and turn the alarm back on. I turned the stair lights off and to find all my stuff thrown out my room and down the stairs. My little brother in his room he said “She did it. I tried to stop her.” I got pissed and was upset, so I called my friend that just dropped me off to pick me up and take me to my other friend’s mom’s house, which he did and I spent New Year’s night with them. I’ll admit I should have called my Nana first before I left again and told her what happen and I was home at 9:30pm and she threw my stuff out my room, but I was pissed and done with “My mom’s” Shit. I just wanted to get away from her. So now I have my Nana on my side and my Papa and My Auntie Betty and everyone knows that “My Mom” is crazy and I didn’t do anything to get kicked out like that, but whatever. I’m living with my Nana and I feel better. I feel loved, I feel safe, I don’t feel like a bother or an annoyance or anything I felt better. It’s gonna take some time to get use to it, but I’m happy and I still have my friends on my side. I’m gonna stay up money for a car, I’m still working and I’m still going to school.
Thanks For Reading. I’m thinking of making a YouTube account soon.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted but I lot has happen. Let me start by saying Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a safe night! <3
Now let’s get with the drama.
So on New Year’s Eve my friend’s invited me to go out to eat and I agreed to go. I had a ride and I had money, so everything was okay. I didn’t need a ride and I didn’t need to borrow money. So I called my She-Devil “My mom” and told her I was going to get some food with friends and she said No. Why? Because it’s New Year’s Eve. I was gonna be home before midnight and I wasn’t spending the night. I wasn’t drinking and I wasn’t doing drugs. I was hanging out with my friends at Olive Garden. So she made it seem like I was going to a party and I was gonna do drugs and I was gonna drink, so I left anyways. I told my friend to pick me up and I was going and I didn’t give any fucks. So he picked me up and we got our other two friends and we went to Olive Garden. We ate a lot of bread sticks and salad. Afterwards we went to Five Below, but they were closed, so we dropped off friend and was on the way to dropping me off. Once we got to my house I went in, turn the alarm off and then locked the door and turn the alarm back on. I turned the stair lights off and to find all my stuff thrown out my room and down the stairs. My little brother in his room he said “She did it. I tried to stop her.” I got pissed and was upset, so I called my friend that just dropped me off to pick me up and take me to my other friend’s mom’s house, which he did and I spent New Year’s night with them. I’ll admit I should have called my Nana first before I left again and told her what happen and I was home at 9:30pm and she threw my stuff out my room, but I was pissed and done with “My mom’s” Shit. I just wanted to get away from her. So now I have my Nana on my side and my Papa and My Auntie Betty and everyone knows that “My Mom” is crazy and I didn’t do anything to get kicked out like that, but whatever. I’m living with my Nana and I feel better. I feel loved, I feel safe, I don’t feel like a bother or an annoyance or anything I felt better. It’s gonna take some time to get use to it, but I’m happy and I still have my friends on my side. I’m gonna stay up money for a car, I’m still working and I’m still going to school.
Thanks For Reading. I’m thinking of making a YouTube account soon.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
New in My Life (December 6, 2014)
Nothing has really changed. Mostly going to Baker College and working at Kroger. I got a new Laptop and a new boyfriend, but nothing has really changed. I still hate my mother with a burning passion, I’m still working on getting a car and a apartment for myself. I don’t care if I’m too young to do all of this. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from her. She makes me feel worthless and like I’m a piece of shit. That I’m a waste of space, that I’m a bother. That no one really loves me, that everyone is just using me. Saying I’m not smart enough to be going to college. That i’m wasting my money and the teachers time, dealing with me. I’m gonna prove her wrong and also prove to myself that I am nothing like her and that I am my own person. That I can be whatever I want to be. But for right now I’m stressed, in pain and hurt, so I’m gonna take a nap and have a good cry.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I QUIT! (September 22, 2014)
So I quit working at McDonald’s a few days or maybe two weeks ago because of the way I was being treated and my best friends had my back on the decision I made and I’m happy I did it. I will soon be working at Kroger, Yes like my mother, but at a different one, so that’s a plus. Hopefully I get the job… I mean I did the drug test on my second interview, so maybe I did get the job. I guess we’ll know by Thursday, Saturday the latest.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Temporary Visitor (September 22, 2014)
My brother’s father’s father passed away a few days and nobody has heard from him in so long. Like my little brother and myself haven’t heard or seen him since Thanksgiving of last year then his father is in the hospital again for like the fifth or six time this year and now he’s in the hospital again for like the seventh time and this time he isn’t coming back home to be with his wife and kids and grand kids.
So the oldest daughter calls a family meeting asking what should she do. Should she leave him in the hospital while they came him feel comfortable until his last breath OR take him home and let him die in his sleep, suffering more pain without the medicine and pain killers. Obviously everyone agreed with the first one, but she didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. Keep him away from his wife, who is by the way also sick.
After visiting hours were over my brother’s father tagged along in going to dinner with us, which I paid for. And ever since then he’s been coming around a few hours before work to sleep on our couch, watch our TV and eat up my turkey meat. Once his father passed away, he’s been calling us his family, calling me his daughter and trying to act like a big ol happy family and i’m not buying it. He’s going to leave soon and never come back, i don’t care what my mom says. I’m sick of people walking into my life and leaving because they feel like they can and it isn’t fair to me or my little brother and it just sucks.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
So the oldest daughter calls a family meeting asking what should she do. Should she leave him in the hospital while they came him feel comfortable until his last breath OR take him home and let him die in his sleep, suffering more pain without the medicine and pain killers. Obviously everyone agreed with the first one, but she didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. Keep him away from his wife, who is by the way also sick.
After visiting hours were over my brother’s father tagged along in going to dinner with us, which I paid for. And ever since then he’s been coming around a few hours before work to sleep on our couch, watch our TV and eat up my turkey meat. Once his father passed away, he’s been calling us his family, calling me his daughter and trying to act like a big ol happy family and i’m not buying it. He’s going to leave soon and never come back, i don’t care what my mom says. I’m sick of people walking into my life and leaving because they feel like they can and it isn’t fair to me or my little brother and it just sucks.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Sick & Tired of Being the Odd Woman Out (September 12, 2014)
I went out with my BFFLs/ Crush and the three of is went to Applebees and explored Belleville and whatever. Just having fun. We were driving to Lincoln Park to drop some food off to her mother and Mother’s boyfriend. I was having chest pains and whatnot and I had to be home, by midnight & I didn’t get home til 1. I even told her what happen and my friends wanted to take me to the hospital, but she didn’t care. So I just gave her the keys and went home. Today I want to go to the first home game for my high school and I can’t do that because apparently”I don’t know how to tell time” I made one mistake by coming home an hour later & I feel bad about it. So I punished myself and apparently so did Mother Nature, by letting a bird into my room. I just want to see my LP Marching Band, get some taco bell afterwards and that’s it. I’m always the one in trouble. I’m always the one getting yelled at for dumb shit. I’m always the target. Even when I’m not even at home. And that’s full on BULLSHIT! I can’t wait for the day I get to leave, cause believe me I ain’t coming back .
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Annoyed by my Weekend (September 7, 2014)
I am one argument, one miscommunication, one eye roll away from flipping out and beating you. I wish none of this ever happen. I just want to be in my room, in my bed alone. I seriously don’t need any of this. I can’t wait to leave. I can’t wait to do the things I want/ need to do. I’m sick of always putting you & your son first. I’m sick being called the ride child sick if being made fun of, sick of always having to please so I don’t feel bad at right, sick of holding my tongue & I’m also sick of being the odd one out… Am I not allowed to be sad about what has happen? Am I not allowed to be mad? Well I’m both & you suck
I'm Okay... (September 7, 2014)
I’ve received some great information that I needed to hear & I can accept every thing. I wish I didn’t hear something’s, but I’m okay.
I’m not mad, I’m not hurt any more, I’m still gonna be your friend, so don’t worry its fine.
I knew it wouldn’t work out & I knew you didn’t feel the same way, but now I know more than I needed to know. I had fun while it lasted. I’m okay.
As long as we can be friends and make it pasted this we’re good. I’ll leave you alone, I’ll give you more space, and ill talk to you less. I didn’t mean to be a bother, but I also didn’t expect you to be like the people who treat me like crap…
I’m okay
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I’m not mad, I’m not hurt any more, I’m still gonna be your friend, so don’t worry its fine.
I knew it wouldn’t work out & I knew you didn’t feel the same way, but now I know more than I needed to know. I had fun while it lasted. I’m okay.
As long as we can be friends and make it pasted this we’re good. I’ll leave you alone, I’ll give you more space, and ill talk to you less. I didn’t mean to be a bother, but I also didn’t expect you to be like the people who treat me like crap…
I’m okay
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Sadness (September 3, 2014)
Everyone handles sadness & grief differently. Some people cry, some people talk about it and some people just laugh it off, trying to make themselves and everyone else around them happy and laugh.
Me, on the other like to keep it and keep piling on other things until I have to have an ugly cry and be locked in my room for hours. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to laugh. I just want to cry and try to feel balanced again. I was taught as a little girl that crying is a sign of weakness and there is not a really good reason to cry until you’re at a funeral or a wedding. Sad and happy tears, reasonable tears.
So I don’t cry and when I do, I feel even worse because it’s a sign of weakness. But my best guy friend is trying to change that. He’s doing well so far… I’ve cried today, but I don’t hate myself like I use too and it goes under one of the categories that I was taught to cry for.
I wish I was a normal person sometimes, but then again I don’t want to be normal… It gets boring
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Me, on the other like to keep it and keep piling on other things until I have to have an ugly cry and be locked in my room for hours. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to laugh. I just want to cry and try to feel balanced again. I was taught as a little girl that crying is a sign of weakness and there is not a really good reason to cry until you’re at a funeral or a wedding. Sad and happy tears, reasonable tears.
So I don’t cry and when I do, I feel even worse because it’s a sign of weakness. But my best guy friend is trying to change that. He’s doing well so far… I’ve cried today, but I don’t hate myself like I use too and it goes under one of the categories that I was taught to cry for.
I wish I was a normal person sometimes, but then again I don’t want to be normal… It gets boring
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Shopping... Ugh (September 1, 2014)
I’m really not every typical girl out there. I don’t like to show. I just want to get my shit and go home or go get something to eat because we all know when you go to the mall with family or with friends you ALWAYS have to get something there. Either its a cinnamon roll or ice cream or a smoothie. You just have to get it. I don’t think the mall, especially shopping for someone else. Like you know what you want why are you making this so difficult. I don’t like shopping for new clothes, or shoes, or glasses or anything. And online shopping is even worse because there’s soo much to pick from. Ugh…
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Labor Day Early with the Family (September 1, 2014)
Today… Well yesterday my Auntie had a little get together for the holiday, so I asked if I could bring my BFFL and crush to come over. Yes you head that right I have a crush on my best guy friend, which if you ask me I think it will pass soon because I’m not good enough for him, but that’s a totally different story for a different day.
Anyways he came over meet my close Auntie, Uncle and one of my many cousins that I’m close with. I was super nervous because:
1. I never brought a guy home to meet my family
2. I was worried because he’s white and OBVIOUSLY I’m black, but I’m not racist… Obviously because I like him and most of my friends are white
3. I’m not use to the whole bring friends over to meet the family for the holiday season
But it went well and everyone loved him and they all thought we were together. I don’t get it. I want to be with him, but I’m okay with just being his best friend. As long as I have him on my side, I’m okay.
The weird part about the whole day was my mother questioned us about of relationship. She wanted us to define it, like we were Robin & Barney on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and of course it was weird for me because my mother was in the room and so was my brother and I honestly know he doesn’t feel the same way I’m thinking, so what’s the point of saying how I feel even though it isn’t going to be a thing. That’s my way of seeing things.
As long as I have him as my Best Friend and on my side. I am okay with that.
Emmie <3
See ya later
Anyways he came over meet my close Auntie, Uncle and one of my many cousins that I’m close with. I was super nervous because:
1. I never brought a guy home to meet my family
2. I was worried because he’s white and OBVIOUSLY I’m black, but I’m not racist… Obviously because I like him and most of my friends are white
3. I’m not use to the whole bring friends over to meet the family for the holiday season
But it went well and everyone loved him and they all thought we were together. I don’t get it. I want to be with him, but I’m okay with just being his best friend. As long as I have him on my side, I’m okay.
The weird part about the whole day was my mother questioned us about of relationship. She wanted us to define it, like we were Robin & Barney on ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and of course it was weird for me because my mother was in the room and so was my brother and I honestly know he doesn’t feel the same way I’m thinking, so what’s the point of saying how I feel even though it isn’t going to be a thing. That’s my way of seeing things.
As long as I have him as my Best Friend and on my side. I am okay with that.
Emmie <3
See ya later
Sleep Talking (August 31, 2014)
So I sleep talk and my best friends found this out almost a month ago & they can now use it against me… I like to talking on the phone, especially at night when everyone in my house is asleep and my little brother isn’t bothering me.
So I like talking to my best friend and text my other best friend and it gets to a certain time of night/ morning I start telling the truth about what I’m feeling and what I’ve been thinking. Like life, love, school and work. I hate that I let myself tell them everything that I didn’t want them to know. I want to keep certain things to myself.
I don’t care what they say, if I don’t want to tell you I don’t want to tell you. I feel like my thinking is wrong. I said a lot of things I’m not happy to have out in the open, but it’s too late to take them back. I tried to accept it, but it just keeps biting me in the ass. Sometimes I wish I was never soo sleepy that day that I kept my feelings to myself, but oh well
Emmie <3
See Ya Later
So I like talking to my best friend and text my other best friend and it gets to a certain time of night/ morning I start telling the truth about what I’m feeling and what I’ve been thinking. Like life, love, school and work. I hate that I let myself tell them everything that I didn’t want them to know. I want to keep certain things to myself.
I don’t care what they say, if I don’t want to tell you I don’t want to tell you. I feel like my thinking is wrong. I said a lot of things I’m not happy to have out in the open, but it’s too late to take them back. I tried to accept it, but it just keeps biting me in the ass. Sometimes I wish I was never soo sleepy that day that I kept my feelings to myself, but oh well
Emmie <3
See Ya Later
My Favorite Things (August 29, 2014)
Joking and Giggling with my mom at night
Joy that I feel then she kisses me goodnight
Buying new jewelry like Diamond rings
these are a few of my favorite things.
Singing and writing are my favorite hobby
Hanging out with Brittany, Lexa and Bobby
Loving the small of the rain in the spring
these are a few of my favorite things.
Laughing and watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’
Hanging out with my crazy older brother
Warm chocolate brownies covered with Ice Cream
these are a few of my favorite things.
Arguing and yelling for more than for hours
Listening to music and taking long showers
Wishing Bruno Mars would sing ‘Count On Me’
these are the things that are special to me
When I fall down
When my friends fight
When the band does bad…
I simply remember my favorite things
and then I don’t feel s sad!
Emmie <3
Joy that I feel then she kisses me goodnight
Buying new jewelry like Diamond rings
these are a few of my favorite things.
Singing and writing are my favorite hobby
Hanging out with Brittany, Lexa and Bobby
Loving the small of the rain in the spring
these are a few of my favorite things.
Laughing and watching ‘How I Met Your Mother’
Hanging out with my crazy older brother
Warm chocolate brownies covered with Ice Cream
these are a few of my favorite things.
Arguing and yelling for more than for hours
Listening to music and taking long showers
Wishing Bruno Mars would sing ‘Count On Me’
these are the things that are special to me
When I fall down
When my friends fight
When the band does bad…
I simply remember my favorite things
and then I don’t feel s sad!
Emmie <3
My Day :/ (August 23, 2014)
Today my Nana got hurt at work and I feel, so bad about it. I know I wasn’t there when it happen, but I’m the main reason why she started working. So I feel like it’s my fault, which I know it’s “Technically” not, but still. She’s my everything and she does so much for me because my mom doesn’t act like a mom… Like what kind of parent knows she has bills to pay, but goes to the club and go see drags and throw her money at them where she could be using that to pay her bills or have food in the fridge. I have a job now, so I can pay for my cell bill and I’m going to college, so there’s no need for my Nana to be working… Oh wait YES THERE IS!! My mom isn’t paying her bills, so she’s taking my Nana’s hard earned money to pay them… I can’t stand my mom anyone. Everyone thinks she’s so nice. Don’t get me wrong she has her moments and we get along for a few moments until we’re both to hating each other, yelling at each other, and ignoring each other until she wants something from me. I don’t know how long I can handle this. It’s sad to think of when my Nana is gone I’m gonna be left alone with her. I pray for 100 more years with my wonderful Nana <3
It's OFFICAL!! (August 21,2014)
It’s Official! I’m a college student! And the only people who are really happy for me are family members who aren’t even my family. They’re my best friend/ guy I like family members. I wish they were mine. But!!!…. I’m happy i’m a college, working person. Soon I’m gonna be living by myself, have my own car… and i’m excited, but also I’m nervous… :D
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Four to Six Years of College & I'm ready for it.
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Four to Six Years of College & I'm ready for it.
What Should I Do? (August 21, 2014)
So almost a month ago I started talking in my sleep again… I haven’t talked in my sleep since I was a little girl, but sometimes I talk in my sleep when I’m super sleepy or tired. When I talked in my sleep this time isn’t to a family member who knows I talk when I’m super tired, it was to my best friend and I told her EVERYTHING, that I’ve been thinking since I met this person I don’t know how many months, but I just started to get to know him. He’s an amazing guy and I love him to death. In the short amount of time we clicked and became best friends.
I’ve told a really good friend of mine that I might like him more than just my best guy friend. She also had the same thing going on this other guy she liked and they both didn’t know about it.
I don’t want to lose a friendship because I like him. I knew I liked him ever since I started a conversation with him and even more when I met him and even, even more when we start talking 24/7. I wasn’t going to tell him I liked him at all, but my kinda best friend (I just trust her less now; which I understand, but that’s another story). She told him I liked him and now everyone thinks we’re together, like if you see us hanging out or talking to each other or even when we’re with a group of friends; people think we are together.
I want to be with him as his girlfriend, but I don’t think he likes me like that, which I’m okay with just to be his best friend FOREVER. I don’t want to lose him over something stupid, like liking him! Ugh! If she didn’t opened her big mouth and say something I wouldn’t be in this? What do I do?
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
I’ve told a really good friend of mine that I might like him more than just my best guy friend. She also had the same thing going on this other guy she liked and they both didn’t know about it.
I don’t want to lose a friendship because I like him. I knew I liked him ever since I started a conversation with him and even more when I met him and even, even more when we start talking 24/7. I wasn’t going to tell him I liked him at all, but my kinda best friend (I just trust her less now; which I understand, but that’s another story). She told him I liked him and now everyone thinks we’re together, like if you see us hanging out or talking to each other or even when we’re with a group of friends; people think we are together.
I want to be with him as his girlfriend, but I don’t think he likes me like that, which I’m okay with just to be his best friend FOREVER. I don’t want to lose him over something stupid, like liking him! Ugh! If she didn’t opened her big mouth and say something I wouldn’t be in this? What do I do?
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
Mean Rich Lady (August 16, 2014)
So I work at a McDonald’s and I was working up front and it is packed, like there are people lined up at the door to order and I’m the only one doing front corner and the manger told me to keep taking orders and the other front corner lady would bag the orders. I’m trying to keep going and try to help out as much as I can, cause I was told to take three orders and bag three orders and keep going back and forth. So I mainly do drinks, so I was making coffees and smoothies and milkshakes and put down trays for the people who are eating in.
20 minutes later the crown kinda dies down and I get to the lady wearing pearls and her fancy shirt and the other front counter lady was back to help me and this costumer comes up to me, yelling at me saying “I hate coming here at this time because I always spend almost half of my lunch break here waiting!” and the lady next to me was like sorry and started to take another person’s order and the rich lady was like “Oh now you wanna take orders and do your job?!” To end the whole argument I asked her “What would you like?” and she said “All I want is a damn Mcdouble and a Larger Coke.”and before I could even ask if was for here or to go she rudely said “To Go. Like 20 minutes ago.” She gave her me her money and I gave her her cup and receipt and she snatched it out my hands. I say “Ma’am you forgot your change.” She comes back and takes her money, mumbling under her breathe.
She gets her order and complaining about how bad I am as a worker and then she gets back in line because she forgot to order a fry, so i’m taking everyone else’s order, helping out other customers that came up after her, just totally ignoring her and when she finally gets up to me, she’s like “You know I don’t like you right?” I’m like “Yep. What can I do for you?” “All I want is a Large fry before my lunch break is complete over.” “Sure.” I rolled my eyes and got her, her fry and said “Have a great day.” with a forced smile.
So that was my day of work
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
20 minutes later the crown kinda dies down and I get to the lady wearing pearls and her fancy shirt and the other front counter lady was back to help me and this costumer comes up to me, yelling at me saying “I hate coming here at this time because I always spend almost half of my lunch break here waiting!” and the lady next to me was like sorry and started to take another person’s order and the rich lady was like “Oh now you wanna take orders and do your job?!” To end the whole argument I asked her “What would you like?” and she said “All I want is a damn Mcdouble and a Larger Coke.”and before I could even ask if was for here or to go she rudely said “To Go. Like 20 minutes ago.” She gave her me her money and I gave her her cup and receipt and she snatched it out my hands. I say “Ma’am you forgot your change.” She comes back and takes her money, mumbling under her breathe.
She gets her order and complaining about how bad I am as a worker and then she gets back in line because she forgot to order a fry, so i’m taking everyone else’s order, helping out other customers that came up after her, just totally ignoring her and when she finally gets up to me, she’s like “You know I don’t like you right?” I’m like “Yep. What can I do for you?” “All I want is a Large fry before my lunch break is complete over.” “Sure.” I rolled my eyes and got her, her fry and said “Have a great day.” with a forced smile.
So that was my day of work
See Ya Later
Emmie <3
From Blog.com to Blogger.com
Hey Guys,
So I'm going to copy and post all the posts from Blog.com to Blogger.com; so if you are new you can catch up and then I'll start posting new things. So i'm excited. Have a lot of good news and I can't wait to share it with you guys.
See You Later
Emmie <3
So I'm going to copy and post all the posts from Blog.com to Blogger.com; so if you are new you can catch up and then I'll start posting new things. So i'm excited. Have a lot of good news and I can't wait to share it with you guys.
See You Later
Emmie <3
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